even this illness is a gift

vomiting.nausea.sweat-trilling.time disoriented.dizzy-head.my conditions lately.
i've been considered that i had 'bad-circumstances' of body and soul needed since mid-exam.*basically the core is 'Allah sedang menguji saya,tepat di ujian tengah semester yang superb dahsyat'
semoga sakitnya bisa menggugurkan dosa ,Amiin.
now, i feel lil' bit okay at least udah gak muntah2 lg :)
back when dad just called me minutes ago, he said " knapa sakit? apa terlalu stress belajarnya? papa kan sudah bilang belajar itu nyantai,jangan merasa terbebani harus cepat selesai kuliahnya",
yah-not like any others parents who ask their child to study-hard,our parents didn't do that.how come? -i just don't know-, even myriad accomplishment we've got (me and my brother),he just said : "good sweetheart! you are genius" then he kissed our forehead.no 'thing' gifted-like others kids got.if you ask me wether i'm jealous? YES ! of course,but it first :),now all i understand enough is he wants built my character on his way.
when i was a lil' girl dad always said " spend your time with reading", and i think that its actually his legacy.i ever ask to dad : "dad,what professional,you want me to be,when i grow up? doctor/entrepreneur/an artist?? and he just said :"i just want you to be yourself,a "good people" honey."
(^there must be some meaning based on his words,and i think i got the sense :)
talk about my childhood life. i remember each part of mine. clearly,my home is fully with musical thingy,and the classical music which always fly around("maybe my ego formed from it).but,it changed about junior-highschool student i lost my familiarity w/ classical music,it switch with another popular genre which easily volatile at that time,like kinda-jazz,alt-rock,country,pop,bla-bla ..i like it,but my soul is just not into that.
oh i think i have a 'flight of idea"-> jadi kemana-mana gini bicaranya -___-


okey-dokeey.i think i got a boom-boom spirit to accomplish my life,i mean my entire 'line of duty' ,bismillah..

Sebenarnya kita itu tidak pernah gagal,hanya saja kita yang sering menyerah.
Makanya ga ada kata "Jangan gagal" yg ada pasti "jangan menyerah",
Menyerah itu adalah keputusan kita utk "GAGAL".

"..Sesungguhnya yang berputus asa dari rahmat Allah hanyalah orang-arang yang kafir"
Al'Quran-Yusuf : 87

blah!!

it kinda a-convy without peoples around.once you really hope the aim of your tellin' *seriously.dang!it would crushing you back.

just like an oddy-time

awkward day,in awkward time,i put some strawberry on my tiny cup,one aple,one pear,and a few pieces of orange..(geez! how healthy i am? hahaha.
sooooo....now,i've been thinking awkward (it can be the prolouge i've choosen!! (*emang ada pilihannya?hem-_-)
..this gloomy tuesday shows their shelter.happy for it?or just feeling 'oh its kinda oddy-time ever'?,abisnya jakarta akhir2 ini panasnya kebangetan.tuesday it like a spine-hilling hard day to be passed anyway.(*kalo kata temen2 fkg sih judulnya 'teror konser').but it was.mau gak mau yakan :).*flash..i remember my 'magical words' in negative situation.just pretend!!,the means are:
when get bored->just pretend that i have sumthin 'freshy-happy' to do.
when get angry->just pretend that i am not.and give me your big grin :D
when get tired->just pretend that i am an energic-young-people who used to do everything easily!,cause in my thought it all can stimulate our feelings,and intellective to be a positive condition.
oooh..live life my life!"i put some seeds into it,and that's what i get,but the process will be determined
in live we point our own picture of what we want,then make it reality. it's not easy ,but it's not impossible.hehe ya gak?

silent reverie

been a quite for a while,sometimes make me feel good. oh i need some distraction.dancing,singing,theater maybe??? :D
i want to be empty,let me be empty,...that would take me on a new-something,like an arts workers who just started drawing.
pulled from the wreckage of my silent reverie,i'll keep on building my new spirit to face this responsibility.yah! this semester will be a kinda hard-working.
bismillah. luruskan niat saya ya Allah . semangaaattt!!!!!


dear Allah,let this lil' girl grown into an intelligent dentist, strong, earthy, and always make her parents happy all the timeee. amin :)

jaman dulu.ini dulu,dulu.duluuuu

this is the time when i was in junior high school.which one looks like me?
hahaha :D -bottom left-

captured people.captured me.